


30 ways to piss off Snape

by Amunett



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: harry dosent even know why hes involved, oc run rampant, only two though, pranks galore, snape has a bad year
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-29
Updated: 2014-12-29
Packaged: 2018-03-04 03:22:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2907440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amunett/pseuds/Amunett
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>this was originally a work I had posted on ff.net back in middle school. I looked back on  it and decided to do a rewrite, cause I have nothing else to do :]</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Brandi Miller, in an effort to no longer be ignored by her potions professor, decides that pushing every button he has is a good way to go about it. It's not hard to figure out why she wasn't placed in Ravenclaw at her sorting ceremony.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The start of something new

1\. Stare at him. Just stare.

2\. In the middle of class start laughing.

3\. When he ask why say "Hehehe...squirrel"

4\. Raise your hand in class and ask"Sir, do you know who you remind me of?" then say "you remind me of squidward. you have his nose"

5\. Start crying hysterically and run to your emo corner every time he says your name.

6\. When he asks why you did that, blame it on PMS.

7\. Pay Harry to lick his lips and wink every time Snape looks at him.

8\. Grab his face in between your hands and stare at him.

9\. Then you wait...and walk away.

10\. Scream every time he says the word 'it'

11\. When he asks whats wrong say nothing and look around suspiciously *shifty eyes*

12\. Tie and gag Harry, placing him in front of Snapes office.

13\. Leave a note that says ' Bring 1000 red skittles to the astronomy tower or the boy gets it'

14\. When he leans over to check the contents of your potion, grab his nose, then put your thumb in-between your fingers yelling 'got your nose!'

15\. Run like hell.

16\. Stand up on your chair in the middle of breakfast and shout 'this goes out to our favorite potions master!' then continue to sing Adelle at the top of your lungs and off key.

17\. Poke him.

18\. Hug him and scream 'I lurv you!'

19\. Call out his name in the hallways. when he ignores you shout 'You can't stop our love!'

20\. Continue to cry hysterically until he says he's sorry.

21\. ask him why he likes potions so much.

22\. When he's done ask again in about two minutes.

23\. Continue to do this 'til he gets really angry.

24\. When he's in the middle of explaining again shout 'I DON'T CARE WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME THIS?! JEESH!'

25\. Walk away stomping

26\. Sigh like a love sick school girl every time he looks at you

27\. Charm his memory so that he doesn't remember what he did last night.

28\. At the end of class, wink and say 'I had a lot of fun last night Professor..' Putting emphasis on Professor.

29\. Send him great big red pink and lacy valentines day cards everyday for a month.

30\. Run to Pro. Mcgonagall screaming ' Pro. Snape invaded my personal bubble! I feel so violated!' Sob into her chest. Watch what she does to our poor, poor professor.  
===========================================  
"Good God! I hate that man!" Brandi ,a sixth year Gryfinndor growled, running a hand through her brown hair. 

"Brandi, how could you possibly hate him? He can't even remember your name let alone remember to torture you because your in Gryfinndor..." A dark skinned beauty by the nae of Kai asked, raising a dark eyebrow at her fuming friend.

"But that's my point! He wont even bother to remember my name!"Brandi exclaimed. "He torturers everyone of our housemates, but I have to keep copies of my homework because he cant even remember he HAS a Miller in his class!" She continued to shout. " Do you have any idea how insulting it is to be of so little significance that your FORGOTTEN half the time?!"

"So you just want him to remember your name?" Kai asked questioningly.

"Well...yeah."

"Then do something so big he'll have to."Kai said, turning to a book she had opened previously. O's weren't going to earn themselves.

"..."

"..."

"Brandi...don't." Kai said dropping her book"He'll murder you."

"To late to try to talk me out of it!" Brandi said excitedly, dragging out a piece of paper she had written on the week previous. "It's time for,drum roll please...30 ways to piss off Snape!"

"Yea, your gonna die.."   
==================

[Stare at him.]

Potions Class

It was another ordinary, boring day for Severus Snape. He was teaching a sixth year potions class. Painfully normal right? So, why couldn't Severus get the feeling that somebody was watching him off his mind? Severus turned around to look at his class. Everyone was busy with their work. Everyone except for one girl. It took him a second to even remember who the girl was. Miller, if he remembered correctly. She was staring at him. Not doing anything else.

Snape walked up to her and looked down at his student, exercising his death glare of doom. If he survives this war, he might even get it patented.

"..."

"..."

"..."

Okay she might be immune.

"..."

"..."

"..."

Snape looked down at her potions book and saw her name scrawled across the top. Brandi Miller. Guess he was right on that front.

"Miss Miller, I suggest you stop marveling at me and get to work."

"..."

"Miss Miller, start your potion."

"..."  
Shit, maybe he got the name wrong.

"Miss...um...Mote?" 

"..." Was it just him or did she look a bit angrier then she did before?

"20 points for Gryffindor and detention this Saturday." That would teach...whats her face to ignore him.

"..."

He might have to reconsider that patent.  
========================

[Start laughing in class for no apparent reason.]

Brandi smirked behind her hand and gave the most high pitched girly giggle she could muster.

Snape's head snapped up so fast, Brandi wouldn't be surprised if he gave himself whiplash.

giggle.

"Miss...um...you. Stop that incoherent laughing" Brandi mentally rolled her eyes at him, this was gonna take awhile.

"hahah..."

"Did you not here what I just said?" Snape growled heavily, the rest of the class gazed at the interaction with varying degrees of anticipation.

"Hahahaha!"

"Stop that laughing at once!"

"HAHAHAHAHA! OH GOD MY RIBS! THEY HURT! HAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Brandi was rolling on the floor, clutching at her sides, with tears rolling down her face.

"WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING?!" Snape shouted. Brandi seemed to cease her laughing almost immediately.

"Hehehe...squirrels."

Childhoods were lost that day.  
_

["Sir do you know who you remind me of? Squidward...you've got his nose."]

Brandi slowly raised her hand in the air, eyes wide in some semblance of innocence.

"Yes ummmm...yes do you have a question?" Snape asked, halting his lecture as one of his students (Not Granger!) actually seemed interested in the topic at hand.

 

"Yes sir..... do you know who you remind me of?" She asked sweetly, a smile plastered on her face.

Snape sighed, he should have known it was too good to be true."That holds no importance as of now."

"...You remind me of squidward, you've got his nose." Half of the class could barely contain their laughter (all muggle-born or half blood of course) "Not to mention his sunny disposition."

"..."

"What?"


	2. Do you want my cookies?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Harry regrets saying 'not slytherin'

=======================================  
[ Start crying hysterically and run to your emo corner every time he says your name.  
When he asks why you did that, blame it on PMS.]

With the last to previous incidents forgotten, Severus Snape's Potions class had returned to normal, with only a few minor explosions breaking the peace for that week. In fact, Severus was certain that today would go by without even one of those. (He was only lecturing today after all, what could possibly happen?)  
"Miss...Miller? Yes Miss Miller can you tell me what you would get when you cross moonstone and-"

"WAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH !WHY! WHY'D YOU HAVE TO LEAVE ME BOB?!" Brandi shouted 'crying' hysterically.

"Miss Miller that is highly inn-"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Brandi shouted running to the nearest corner, and then started to draw circles on the ground with her finger.

"Miss Miller get back to your seat!" Snape shouted."I refuse to deal with your idiocy any longer!"

'At least he's able to remember my name...' Brandi thought. She continued to draw circles with her finger. She was starting to cultivate mushrooms. weird. "Think happy thoughts...rabbits and rainbow and pony's...oh no! The pony and rabbit are fighting! Run rabbit!Run! Nooooooooo!"

Snapes eye seemed to have a twitch in it...weird. Well...ignoring Snapes soon to be mental problem, he started walking towards Brandi. She looked up to see a very pissed off Potions Master in front of her. She sniffed and looked at him with pitiful sad eyes. "The bunny wabbit died."

"Miss Miller..."

"Wahhhhhhh!"

"What has gotten into you?!"

"Ummmmm...Premenstrual Syndrome, or more commonly known as PMS."

==========================

"No."

"Please Harry?"

"No."

"I'll pay you!"

"No."

"Buy you a new broom?"

"No."

"Get you a puppy?"

"No."

"Prove Sirius' innocence?"

"No."

"Give you a kiss?"

"Hell no."

"Get you a date with Ginny?"

"No."

"How 'bout I get you a REALLY big cookie?"

"..."

"..."

"How big?"  
===============================  
[ Get Harry to lick his lips and wink every time Snape looks at him]

"Miss Miller? Can I talk to you for a minute?" Snape asked, pulling his student to the side, after he had dismissed his class.

'He's getting good at remembering my name...'

"Yes sir?"

"Can you explain why Potter keeps winking at me and doing..." He looked over at Harry who licked his lips seductively."...doing that" He finished with a shudder.

"Maybe he thinks you'd be tasty?" The young girl asked with wide eyes and a head tilt.

"What?"

"Umm...how do I put this? He wants you to consolidate you debt...in his financial institution."

"wha-?"

"It's a uthemisium...for sex."

"What?!'"

"God do i have to dumb it down for you?!" Brandi shouted. "He wants to suck your body!" She shouted throwing her hands in the air and walking away, leaving a fumming Snape and a very hyper Harry nibbling on a cookie in her wake.

mission: cause Snape mental scarring..

completed.  
=====================

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah i got that last bit from my hazey recolation of deathnote the abridged series


	3. Meh, it's a chapter

[Take his face in between your hands and stare at him.  
Then you wait...and walk away.]

========================  
Snape had started to be cautious when walking around in the hallways. Miller had started to follow him everywhere. The one Gryfinndor that was doing the world a service by NOT grinding his every nerve, has suddenly become the biggest pain in his ass. Snape sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. This girl was really grinding his nerves. Suddenly Snape felt something on his face. He opened his eyes to see Miller holding his face in between her hands and staring at him intensely.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

Snape could feel the anger bubble in his chest. Now despite numerous rumors, Snape had never actually risen his wand at a student before, but if this welp did not remove herself from him with in the next five seconds.....

And she was gone.

Now Snape will never admit to the thoughts he had just had about his student. But he would admit to the fact that they were quickly swept away by his next ones.

'What the f***?'  
==============================  
[Scream every time he says the word 'it'

When he asks whats wrong say nothing and look around suspiciously *shifty eyes*]

 

Snape was teaching class..well more like lecturing. He was basically on auto pilot. Still thinking about the day before, and whether or not the scolding he'd get from Dumbledor would be worth going through with his thoughts when it happened.

"When you put the dragon's fang into the potion watch as it-"

"OMG!" Miller had stood up and was pointing at him dramatically. Severus chanced a look behind him, just in case her shouts were for a valid reason. And of course they weren't.

"Miss Miller...don't you think it's in-"

"HOLYSHITBALLS!"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"I'm not going to bother with it-"

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!GOODLORDWHY?!"  
=================================

**Author's Note:**

> The next chapter should be up in a few days or by this tie next week.


End file.
